This is M.

Neutered Males

The end of my two-week vacation, an unexpected job opportunity after failing my last interview, the California wildfires and their impact on our recent camping trip, the loss of Big Basin Redwoods State Park, a lull in the conversation, recalling a horrible date that involved me falling down a flight of stairs and running out of things to say, other embarrassing early dating experiences, the value of white lies in sparing someone's feelings, dipping into the Podcast Ideas Google Doc, the concept of "neutered males," the challenge of owning your sexuality as a sensitive young man, men who never make the leap of asserting themselves, the greatness that is Edie Falco in "Nurse Jackie" on Netflix, Larry Lawton's YouTube series, being on the cusp of Episode 50, and the possible future of the podcast. Music by Disasterpeace.

Perpetual Positivity Personality Problem

A surprise heat-wave in the Bay Area, sticking to social distancing while more and more people abandon it, not missing restaurants, the curious tradition of going to TGI Friday's as a family growing up, gearing up for camping tomorrow, the insanely high prices of outdoor recreational equipment, struggling to enjoy my two week vacation, a string of disappointments throughout the week, last night's dinner disaster, the fraudulence of happy-go-lucky lifestyle branding, sending an affectionate text to the neighbor's wife by accident, the positivity of being negative, sharing negative feelings and criticism as a form of intimacy, a Ron Funches-inspired approach to the podcast moving forward, adjusting to the disappointment of not having complete control over my own life, and trying to be content with the things I do have control over. Music by Disasterpeace.

Do Nothing

The start of my two week vacation, falling short in a recent job interview, adjusting to spending my vacation overcoming the disappointment, the ongoing struggle of trying to "believe in myself" finally, looking out for the next best thing, accepting and rejecting feedback, getting some unsolicited feedback from a sound guy in Los Angeles years ago, dodging feedback during my audition for The Voice, the time I forgot the lyrics on stage during a Bob Dylan tribute show, buyer's remorse following a recent emotional purchase (Typhon from Dreadbox), a non-alcoholic beer recommendation (Clausthaler Dry-Hopped), regressing to how things felt at the start of shelter in place, and my plans to do nothing over the next two weeks. Music by Disasterpeace.

Til Shiloh

Preparing as best I can for a possible promotion at work, exploring the difference between my creative interests and my creative work, a writing assignment about cultural appropriation in my Communications class, the formative influence of Dancehall Reggae on my creative life, Buju Banton's song "Champion," Bounty Killer, writing and recording my own Dancehall song and not releasing it out of fear of being accused of cultural appropriation, not being fully resigned to being limited to work within creative modalities rooted in American folk music, a productive day with my girlfriend, our experience with Disney+ so far, the surprisingly subversive quality of The Simpsons, believing in belief, and wrapping this podcast up early. Music by Disasterpeace.

Play Dead

Finally getting around to seeing part of "Hamilton" on Disney+, how it relates to past musicals like "Rent" and "Jesus Christ Superstar," challenging myself not to say anything critical for one week, powering through "Indian Matchmaking" on Netflix, still struggling with an emotional relapse as the shelter-in-place continues, the cost-benefits of avoiding the news, people engaging in increasingly risky behavior as time goes on, watching Bill Clinton's televised deposition regarding the Lewinsky scandal from the 90s, political punditry then and now, success as it relates to priorities, what people sacrifice for their success, being as nervous to give a presentation for school as any performance I've had, extolling the virtues of the video game "Inside," and feeling critical of my teacher's recent effort to bond over the "Eurasian Babies" micro-aggression. Music by Disasterpeace.

Not True

Feeling out of sorts around my birthday, not doing anything to celebrate it, reading Erving Goffman's sociological theory of "dramaturgy," returning to my favorite texts in Chinese philosophy, caring less about what is demonstrably true and more about about what is "true" for me as I get older, wanting to have my very personal worldview validated, there being nothing new under the sun, renovating a house as a metaphor for inheriting the world, the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis, the tenuous connection between quantum mechanics and eastern philosophy, "The Four Books" by Daniel K. Gardner, lawn sign culture and the commodification of belief systems, calling the President a "maniac," segues in comedy, and lame monologues in Ben Affleck's "The Town." Music by Disasterpeace.

Eurasian Babies

Working better under pressure, Dave Chappelle's prophetic assessment of Joaquin Phoenix's "strange" period, the stress of moving my girlfriend into her new place, feeling emasculated in the presence of the movers, literally closing the door on a chapter of your life, my previous moves, trying to bottle the memory of Tikal in Guatemala, making a clean break with the past, a mortifying microaggression that surfaced in my girlfriend's recent therapy session, white racial slurs, George Floyd's famous selfie, technical trouble with the truck, feeling material insecurity, and feeling like you're living in a war zone due to all the fireworks in the Bay Area. Music by Disasterpeace.

Chronic Hostility

The mystery of B.J. Novak's enduring presence in the title sequence of "The Office," needing escapist entertainment in the current cultural climate, the living installation of protest art in downtown Oakland, contemplating the cosmic work carried out through the murder of George Floyd, impacting the course of human history without aspiring to, being one of the first people to see Dave Chappelle's "8:46" on YouTube, seeing him live at a small comedy club in San Francisco and leveraging the experience to score a hot date, being a witness to human history, feeling oversaturated by current events, living with chronic hostility as a consequence of suppressing anger, and finally deciding that I need a vacation. Music by Disasterpeace. 

Dr. Bob

My favorite bands over the years, the perspective of two people in my personal life who listen to the podcast, a recent visit from my buddy Matt (our podcast MVP of 2019!), how distance has facilitated our friendship over the years, the recent allegations against Chris D'Elia, his influence on me starting a podcast, my inevitable disappointment with many of my creative influences, my continued interest in interrogation and deposition videos, a protracted account of my friendship with Dr. Bob who lived in a school bus around my neighborhood, and the time I was shouted down outside the Berkeley Poetry Slam after Trump's election. Music by Disasterpeace.

Remember This

Returning to various interests from my childhood, reading Stephen King's "Misery" at eight years old, the virtues of Rich Vreeland (a.k.a. Disasterpeace - the composer of our theme music), creativity as a tool to explore the taboo, the anachronism of individualism in art, the case for "Coriolanus" as Shakespeare's best B-side, looking for lighter fare in entertainment recently, the cognitive dissonance of @CartNarcs, and the cast of creative co-workers from one of my first jobs at Sam Goody (a defunct music retail store) in the mall. Music by Disasterpeace.