This is M.

Seventy-Five Percent

Humbugging Halloween, dudes who can't bring themselves to put on formal wear, hanging with friends for the first time since shelter-in-place, coincidentally reading "Night Shift" by Stephen King around Halloween, recounting reading "Misery" for the first time, King being at his best before the monsters show their face, the allure of the video game "Return of the Obra Dinn," starting to re-read Chuck Palahniuk's "Fight Club," a recent confidence crisis with the podcast, stepping away from the synthesis education software Syntorial at 75% completion, looking forward to having guests on the podcast soon, recent stand up specials that fell short for me, and recounting my time in LA with my comedian friend Aaron Marsh. Music by Disasterpeace.

On a Spectrum

Reading "Slaughterhouse Five" three times since the last podcast, not fully understanding books after one reading, a basic synopsis of the novel's plot, the importance of structure and motivic development in great art, one superficial interpretation of the novel, my tendency to do things because I "should" do them, the self-awareness of Chuck Palahniuk, the importance of creative confidence, The New York Times' "Ten Meter Tower," the Japanese film "Onibaba," possible connections to Goosebumps and Marcel Marceau, why protesters tape their mouths,  and a swift summary of the film "District 9." Music by Disasterpeace.

Betraying the Muse

Suffering the current heat weave, the Bret Easton Ellis Podcast's second life on Patreon, the spooky synchronicity of the episode with Chuck Palahniuk, how the film adaptation of both author's most famous novels are better than the original, inspiration as a glimpse into the spiritual realm of creative ideas, which ideas work best for a film or a novel, the role of the artist as a spiritual medium, the social obligation of artists to strive for clarity, not betraying the muse, art that improves on the source material, the Great Work being carried out in the world through art, not recognizing yourself as the villain in literature, common themes of the Coen brothers, especially "Fargo" and "No Country for Old Men," their upcoming adaptation of Shakespeare's "Macbeth," the films of Christopher Nolan, and their merits, especially "Dunkirk." Music by Disasterpeace.

Cosmic Rightsizing

The President being back in the White House, feeling rejuvenated after shaving my head, wanting permission to trust my gut, not trusting my own judgment due to a lack of confidence, seeing feelings as information, being called "conceited" as a kid, deciding to become my own drill sergeant, stumbling on Adam Carolla on the call-in radio show "Loveline," adopting him as a sort of father figure, guesting on various podcasts associated with The Adam Carolla Show, growing apart from Adam Carolla's worldview as an adult, playing Candy Crush Saga with my girlfriend, the game's addictive qualities by design, and always being surprised by what comes up on the podcast. Music by Disasterpeace.

Prepare to Be Disappointed

The President catching COVID, the utter insanity of the current news cycle, navigating some trouble with the truck, rushing to complete an application for school only to have the deadline extended shortly after submitting it, feeling conflicted about all of the accommodations being extended everywhere recently, requesting help instead of solving the problem yourself, people who describe success as "humbling," why people listen to the podcast, considering having guests or not, needing a gimmick, Kevin Nealon's endearing "Hiking with Nealon" video podcast on YouTube, the creative virtues of Kevin Patrick a.k.a. Field Medic, feeling impervious to criticism when you are executing a clear concept, the African sengi as a metaphor for creative confidence, the Netflix series "Love on the Spectrum," desexualizing people with disabilities, and relating deeply to people very different from ourselves. Music by Disasterpeace.

The Great Unlearning

The horror-show hiccups that ended the last episode, reminding listeners about registering for Vote Forward, the impressive range of the lost dog posters for "Ponyo" in my neighborhood, recounting my brief ownership of a lost dog years ago, my girlfriend's need to see family, exploring the concept of compromise in relationships, the relative values of "fairness" and "happiness," therapy as a means of identifying who you live to please, the similarity between families and cults, and struggling to advocate for my own needs in my relationships. Music by Disasterpeace.

Vote Forward

Ominous camping conditions in Mt. Diablo State Park last weekend, getting robbed by raccoons, shying away from the video podcast for now, making sense of my nutty eighth-grade English teacher as an adult, making good on my commitment to the Vote Forward campaign, more thoughts on video game designer Jonathan Blow, using the "tears test" to determine if a creative project is worth your time, mediation, and cutting the podcast off early due to an attack of hiccups. Music by Disasterpeace.

Big Gulp Level Comfort

Happy birthday to the podcast, the state of the world since last year, the rampant California wildfires, the apocalyptic air quality here in the Bay Area, camping in 105 degree heat in Lakeport last weekend, a protracted commentary on Charlie Kaufman's frustrating new film "I'm Thinking of Ending Things," the case for clarity in the midst of creative complexity, Christopher Nolan's "Inception," the genius of Jonathan Blow's video game masterpiece "The Witness," and a few nuggets from the "Podcast Ideas" Google Doc. Music by Disasterpeace.

No Unnecessary Action

Trouble sleeping, the cognitive dissonance of the James Legge translations of the Chinese Classics, the anxiety of tossing and turning, considering stepping away from therapy for now, not trusting my judgment when it comes to the big decisions in life, the difference between being funny and being smart, getting mired in unnecessary action, living up to an externalized expert's standards, and practicing courage to make the right decisions when they really count. Music by Disasterpeace.

Half Marathon

Our half marathon episode on the way to one hundred, settling into my new responsibilities at work, battling the undertow of email, running into my old buddy Tom Rhodes on a recent walk, catching up on our COVID lives, a protracted analysis on the pros and cons of feeling relieved at having taken on less responsibility at work, the advantages you stand to gain from assuming greater responsibilities at certain points in life, crashing into the side of a conversational cliff, the baseless criticism of Amanda Palmer for providing an opportunity to artists, feeling lucky to live at a time when Spotify exists, doing your due diligence before entering any market (especially a creative one), selling yourself short by "sticking to your principles," half vs. full marathons and the danger of confusing your sense of accomplishment at completing the former with being on par with the latter, video games, getting back in touch with the numinous, reflecting on what it took to reach fifty episodes, and feeling grateful to those who have followed us this far. Music by Disasterpeace.