This is M.

The Cathedral

A return to form episode. Failing miserably at work this week, the attempted siege of the U.S. Capitol on January 6th, Trump inciting his base, questioning what the rioters hoped to accomplish, why there wasn't a stronger military opposition, the dubious body-cam footage of a cop shooting in California, taking a pistol shooting class yesterday, performing exceptionally well on the range, the cartoon characters populating and working the range, the adversarial relationship between gun owners and lawmakers in California, Dostoyevsky's disappointing novel "The Adolescent," and a wrap-up of movies from last week including "Sexy Beast," "Capturing the Friedmans," "Mad Max: Fury Road," "Wild Strawberries" (plus a reading of Bergman's introduction to the script for "The Seventh Seal"), "2001: A Space Odyssey," "The 400 Blows," "8 1/2," as well the exceptional films "Safe" starring Julianne Moore and "Bad Education" with Hugh Jackman. Music by Disasterpeace.

Force of Will

The impact of the last year on our approach to this one, people who misrepresent their emotional gains, people who believe change is brought about by force of will, how hero's turn the tables in action movies, my history as a cigarette smoker, Kurosawa's "Throne of Blood" compared to his earlier work, Elmore Leonard inspiring my recent interest in firearms, returning to Dostoyevsky with "The Adolescent," my recent malaise, and promising to do better with the podcast next week. Music by Disasterpeace.

Creative Mechanism

Reflecting on one of the strangest years of our lives, feeling typically down around this season, remembering when shelter in place took effect, still having no clear end in sight, feeling unfulfilled creatively, not feeling connecting to songwriting anymore, a meta commentary on the state of the podcast, re-watching Akira Kurosawa's films and enjoying them more as an adult, a budding interest in recreational firearms, re-watching and evaluating M. Night Shyamalan's "Unbreakable," my gratitude for your listening to the podcast up until now, and best wishes for 2021. Music by Disasterpeace.

Dereliction of Duty

A summary response to David Mitchell's novel "Cloud Atlas," a protracted discussion of my feelings about the latest Christopher Nolan film "Tenet," feeling frustrated at not being able to follow the plot, the conflict between clarity and high-concept, the duty of an artist to communicate clearly, still admiring Mitchell and Nolan's ambition, creative interests as a source of both emotional avoidance and meaning, and looking forward to new things in 2021. Music by Disasterpeace.

Definition of Insanity

Waiting to do things until I really have to, reflecting on Bram Stoker's "Dracula," reading David Mitchell's "Cloud Atlas" right now in lieu other popular fiction, the most recent season of The Great British Baking Show, one of the finalists reiterating the "definition of insanity" cliche, true insanity in the 1988 film "The Vanishing," Richard Dawkins' "The God Delusion" and the rise of the "new atheism," my brief dabble with Christianity as a boy, being converted to skepticism by a Carl Sagan quote, the bulletproof contrarianism of Christopher Hitchens, Tom Hanks' performance in both "Sully" and "Captain Phillips," feeling protective of my creative areas of interest, a summary of Korean films I've seen recently including "I Saw the Devil" and "The Man From Nowhere," the over abundance of digital content, feeling far removed from my former creative outlets, and wanting to recuse myself from future gift giving. Music by Disasterpeace.

Saint Stephen King

School finals approaching fast, being in full Dad-fiction mode, the relative greatness of Stephen King and Elmore Leonard compared to other popular writers like Michael Crichton and Dan Brown, confusing the content recommendation algorithm for the divine hand, equating the internet echo chamber with love bombing, the one-sided nature of therapy, casting your therapist as whoever you need them to be for a period of time, and a survey of my brief interest in jam bands and tape trading as a kid. Music by Disasterpeace.

Who You Get to Be

A summary of my Thanksgiving vacation in Aptos, hiking in Land of Medicine Buddha, weighing the benefits of living outside of they Bay Area, completing my University of California applications, having our outdoor camping plans disrupted, camping in the backyard instead, my girlfriend's upcoming travel plans, taking her to two drive-thru COVID tests, fears around holiday travel during the pandemic, reflecting on my experience at an alternative high school in Arizona, almost fighting another classmate, running with a scrappy group of kids in my late teens, being surprised by how people change over time, my experiences performing at residential recovery facilities with the local charity Bread and Roses, holding people accountable for who they used to be, and getting to be whatever you do instead of what you think. Music by Disasterpeace.

Jury Duty

Thanksgiving plans and protests, watching the movie "12 Angry Men" finally, a protracted account of my time serving on the jury of a sexual assault case many years ago, jury selection, the trial, deliberations, being elected as the foreperson to replace someone who suffered a stroke, botching the verdict, the uncertainty of reasonable doubt and the precariousness of jury trials, an unexpected interruption of emergency sirens, recounting the time my work burned down in 2013, and confronting a client in my last days as a server. Music by Disasterpeace.

Preemptive Apologism

Staying up until 7am reading "The Exorcist" to avoid sleeping in the dark, torturing myself with my own imagination, novels that are able to cast a spell despite already seeing the film adaptation, correlations between "The Queen's Gambit" on Netflix and Stephen King's novel "Carrie," going on a grumpy hike, the dangers of consuming outrage, the case for keeping parts of your life private, social media making you feel accountable to everyone you've every met in your life, the overeagerness of strangers to connect on social media, equating cancel culture to The Twilight Zone, no one wanting to hear a white dude with a podcast commenting on the state of culture, and looking forward to reading "Shibumi" by Trevanian. Music by Disasterpeace.

Never Celebrate Too Soon

President-elect Joe Biden's rocky road to victory, feeling reasonably optimistic about the results before Election Day, the doom and gloom of the initial counts, rising hope as the tide of the results changed, the emotional experience of this election compared to previous years, recalling a history teacher's account of the pattern of past presidencies, Trump's last days in the White House playing out like the final scene from Training Day, the misrepresentation of Rudy Giuliani in the recent Borat film, Biden still being a bit of a corn flake, the poor sportsmanship of Trump's supporters, never celebrating too soon, and a roundup of my recent reading including "Misery," "Fight Club," "Sphere," and "Jurassic Park." Music by Disasterpeace.