This is M.

Good Living in Dying

The last-teenth episode. Discussed: My recent health symptoms, catastrophizing the implications, a co-worker's recent battle with a brain tumor, working as a crisis-line counselor, exploring ambivalence around the idea death and dying, Dr. Pimple Popper and the power of normalizing people's pain, death as a call to meaning-making in Tolstoy's "The Death of Ivan Ilyich," confronting my own cantankerousness at a screening of the Mr. Rogers biopic "A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood," losing the bloom of youth, and starting a new semester of school. Music: "Adventure" by Disasterpeace.

The Cult of Concept

The age-of-consent episode. Discussed: Our new social handles (@thisismpod) and email (thisismpod@gmail.com), struggling to record this week's podcast, cultivating confidence, learning how to talk to girls, creative concept vs. entertainment value, the music of Steve Reich ("It's Gonna Rain" and "Music for 18 Musicians"), the latest Robert Eggers film ("The Lighthouse"), Thomas Pynchon's "Gravity's Rainbow" and the novel-as-phallus, Arvo Pärt's return to minimalism ("Für Alina" and "Cantus in Memory of Benjamin Britten"), the fraudulence of modern art, and giving yourself permission to enjoy what you actually do. Music: "Adventure" by Disasterpeace.

Hokey Pokey Philosophy

The seventeenth episode. Discussed: A fair-minded review of the podcast, the intelligence of the podcast listeners, thoughtful comments from fans of my early music, a poignant (and profound) moment visiting the elders of my girlfriend's family, the self-importance of your own story, resigning yourself to living an ordinary life, and a brief critique of the most recent Robert Eggers film, "The Lighthouse." Music: "Adventure" by Disasterpeace.

Crime and Punishment

The sweet-sixteenth episode, in four parts. Discussed: Part 1 - police interrogation videos on YouTube, To Catch a Predator, the Jussie Smollett scandal, getting punched in the face, and victimhood as currency; Part 2 - assessing my teachers this semester, announcing our podcast MVP, anxiety, and the "cushion of experience"; Part 3 - Dostoyevsky, getting caught smoking at boarding school, my grades this semester, and the cosmic law in Crime and Punishment; Part 4 - being sick, recounting my holiday vacation, Dostoyevsky vs. the progressive left, the cults of cultural politics, and the need for authoritarianism in art. Mentioned: Matt Evans (our podcast MVP of 2019!). Music: "Adventure" by Disasterpeace.

Milquetoast Life

The last episode of 2019. Discussed: My Thanksgiving "staycation" weekend with the girlfriend, seeing Cirque du Soleil in San Francisco and the fear of witnessing an accident, etiquette for servers, encountering an old "regular" from my own serving days at dinner and observing the pitfalls of living a milquetoast life, a 12 mile hike at Point Reyes, seeing the latest Bong Joon-ho film "Parasite" (highly recommended!) with a nod to other great Korean films of the last few years ("The Wailing," "Burning," and "Train to Busan"), a brief mention of "Downton Abbey: The Motion Picture" (also recommended), and a recent brush with virtue signaling. Music: "Adventure" by Disasterpeace.

Thirsty

The fourteenth episode. Discussed: Being out of breath, the opera "Das Rheingold," a satire of Horace (I, iv), presenting your "photo face" to the world, "thirsty" social media posts, the consequences of finishing my father's water on a trip to New York City as a child, "The Drama of the Gifted Child" by Alice Miller, privilege as a mitigated boon, the dual system model of behavior, and pleasure derived from feeling better than other people. Music: "Adventure" by Disasterpeace.

Book of Changes

The Death Card episode. Discussed: Noah Gabbard (R.I.P.), my largely non-religious upbringing, the tedium of the Bible, discovering Carl Sagan along with atheism/skepticism, and the story of how I stumbled on (or was led to re-discover) the I Ching, or Book of Changes. Mentioned: Noah Gabbard (Bombs for the Bored, HAIRSPRAYFIREANDGIRLS). Music: "Adventure" by Disasterpeace.

Braved Togetherness

The dirty-dozenth episode. Discussed: Struggling with yourself and feeling like a werewolf because of it, seasonal affective disorder and sleeping through class this morning, in-camera effects and horror movies (The Exorcist, Dracula, The Blair Witch Project, etc.), feeling skeptical about self-care, laughing at Apple's "new" Bedtime feature for iPhone, Queen Latifah's recent self-care commercial for Cigna, brands who pander to the cultural climate, liberal buzzwords, super self-serious Facebook posts, and emotional "honesty" as a form of rudeness. Music: "Adventure" by Disasterpeace.

Hit With the Spirit

The eleventh episode. Discussed: My appreciation for your positive feedback, [edited for content], being the Dean Koontz of podcasts, the films of Ruben Östland (Force Majeure, The Square) and Sean Baker (Tangerine, The Florida Project) vs. movies like Moonlight, building up this varsity level audience, the seasonal quality of celebrity, the creative virtue of the video game The Witness, and getting hit with the spirit of high art. Music: "Adventure" by Disasterpeace.

Phantom Thread

The first double-digit episode. Discussed: My creative collaborator, Gawain Mathews, the last three Paul Thomas Anderson films (There Will Be Blood, The Master, and Phantom Thread), feeling physically and psychologically defeated while running, deferring to other people's opinions, and classic anime movies. Mentioned: Gawain Mathews (musician/engineer/producer). Music: "Adventure" by Disasterpeace.